Anthony Mundine threw a man-tantrum on Monday’s SAS Australia after being thrashed by a pretty boy from The Bachelor in a development that’s about as surprising as the Neighbours actor who can’t remember her scripted lines in one of tonight’s challenges.
“I’m the baddest athlete to ever come out – period!” footballer-turned-boxer Mundine bragged in last week’s premiere episode.
Of course, he was using the superlative adjective as slang to mean he’s the best. But, tonight, he’s just literally the baddest. And then he gets dobbed on to his mum.
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The ominous voiceover pipes up to threaten “the most dangerous task SAS has ever seen”. Sounds intense! What’s involved? The celebrities are instructed to un-bog a Jeep and then roll it through the desert for hours. Sigh. These challenges are just becoming ads for NRMA roadside assistance.
Anyway, the group is split in two and Zima — that chick from Neighbours — is selected as one of the team leaders. It’s a huge mistake — a bigger misstep than … than … rebooting Neighbours.
“In my job, people are telling me to do things constantly,” Zima tells us during an insightful piece-to-camera interview. “You first step on set on Neighbours and the director is like: stand there, stand there, stand there, stand there. If I need to be a leader, that’s gonna be a challenge for me.”
She’s right. The greatest leaders always just instinctually know exactly where to stand.
She’s given a list of basic instructions that she must relay to her team. But when the time comes to pass them on, she goes blank. If only being an actor on Neighbours required the skill of learning lines and repeating them aloud. Oh well.
“Usually, I’m really aware of what is going on around me,” she says. “But in a stressful situation I might not be as smart as I usually am.”
Apparently this was an EXTREMELY stressful situation, which explains a lot. She fails the task and gets taken hostage along with a bunch of the others. But that’s OK, because now we’re treated to more of her actorly wisdom.
“When you’re an actor, we were born for failure … so … I guess, I was ready for failure?”
Spoken like a true Neighbours alumna.
Later on, in another challenge, the celebrities are paired off and told to fight each other while balancing on a narrow beam. The goal? Knock your famous enemy off so they topple down into the chasm below.
Anthony Mundine is pitted against The Bachelor’s Tim Robards. It’s an interesting pairing. Mundine is a pro boxer. And Tim? Well … He has a really extensive beauty routine.
“I wash my face and moisturise. I dye my hair, dye my beard. I use a scrub a couple times a week,” he proudly informed us last week.
He’s more comfortable with breaking hearts than breaking noses.
“I don’t think I can physically hurt someone else,” he winces at the thought of the brutal challenge he’s about to compete in.
It’s amazing what the rush of adrenaline and the promise of TV glory can do to someone’s moral compass. Moments later, Tim bitch slaps Mundine off the beam. And then, when the boxer grabs one of Tim’s legs, The Bachelor uses his other foot to kick his enemy in the face.
Mundine’s left dangling like a … like a …
“You’re left dangling like a spare prick!” the soldier Ant Middleton yells.
“Get in the ring, brah,” he mutters. “I don’t care if he’s 10, 12, 15 kilograms heavier.”
Being KO’d by the pretty boy has bruised both Mundine’s body and ego. Back at the campsite, he quits. But before he can stomp off, the soldiers pull him into a room to take a phone call from mum, who promptly rouses on her boy before sending him marching back to camp.
His punishment? Watching Tim Robards do his nightly skincare routine.
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